Looking for how to make friends in San Diego? You’re not alone. I’m Matt Bishop, LMFT, and after 38 years as a local, I’ve seen how this city can feel both vibrant and isolating.
When I tell people I was born and raised here, the response is usually the same: “Whoa, a local? You’re rare.” And it does feel that way. Over the years I’ve heard every critique of this city. Some are fair, like how bad our public transportation is. Others, I think, are overstated. No, our drivers aren’t the worst.
But the critique that sticks with me most is this: it can be hard to find real community here. You can fill your week with Padres games, concerts, museums, surfing, farmers markets, and still feel like you don’t belong anywhere.
Why is it so hard to make friends in San Diego?
This isn’t just San Diego’s problem. It’s America’s. In 2023, U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy released an advisory called Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation. He didn’t mince words: loneliness is as harmful to your health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
The numbers prove the point. Young adults now spend 70% less time with friends than they did twenty years ago. Nearly half of Americans say they have three or fewer close friends. One in three households is made up of just one person.
Social media hasn’t fixed it. Heavy use actually makes it worse. People who scroll more than two hours a day are twice as likely to feel isolated compared to light users.
And those community anchors that used to hold people together: clubs, churches, neighborhood associations, etc. aren’t as strong as they once were. Only 16% of Americans now say they feel very connected to their local community.
So when people say San Diego feels disconnected, it isn’t just about the 20-minute drives between neighborhoods. It’s about a bigger cultural shift. Our social fabric has been thinning for decades.
The Good News
Yes, the stats are grim. But it’s not impossible to build friendships and find belonging here. I’ve seen it happen. I’ve lived it myself. In my next blog, I’ll share strategies for how to stick with a community long enough so you’re not still the awkward newcomer three months in. For now, here are four communities in San Diego worth checking out if you’re looking for connection.
Jiu Jitsu in San Diego: More Than Martial Arts
San Diego is often called the Jiu Jitsu capital of the world. MMA and the UFC helped fuel the growth, but the gyms here are more than training centers. They’ve become social hubs.
Walk into almost any Jiu Jitsu gym and you’ll see it: parents bringing their kids, classmates hanging out before and after sessions, friendships forming through shared struggle and laughter. You don’t need to be a meathead to join in. The variety of people training here is what makes it welcoming.
Rodrigo Medeiros, who runs one of the oldest gyms in San Diego, summed it up well:
“For over 25 years, our gym has been more than just a martial arts academy, it’s been a hub for community. On the mats, friendships form, challenges are shared, and strength, both physical and mental, is built together. For many, it’s not just training; it’s connection, support, and belonging.”
Improv Classes in San Diego: Building Confidence and Friendship
Improv might sound scary if you hate public speaking, but you don’t need to get on stage in front of a crowd. Most people start with weekly classes, where the focus is on play, laughter, and trust.
My fiancée has been in an improv group for a year. What started as strangers has turned into a group of friends who hang out, host parties, and keep up a nonstop group chat
. I even tried an intro class myself and had a blast. It’s also great for anyone who wants to loosen up, grow socially, or practice confidence.
Jackie Bookstein, owner of Mockingbird Improv in Liberty Station, put it best:
“Connection is an essential part of improv. When we create on the fly, we’re not just building scenes. We’re listening deeply, embracing each other’s ideas, and opening up through play
fulness and laughter. The performances are fun, but the real magic is in the friendships that form along the way.”
Faith Communities in San Diego: Ancient Roots, Modern Belonging
This one gets mixed reactions. If you’re already drawn to faith, you’re likely already involved. If not, it may sound unappealing. But set beliefs aside for a moment. This isn’t about doctrine or symbols. It’s about connection. And religious institutions still do community better than almost anyone.
They aren’t all the same. Some are large, some small. Some focus on scripture, others on service. Many people show up unsure about their beliefs, but they stay for the bagels, the coffee, the warmth, and the friendships that build over years.
November Project: Free Fitness and Friendship
One of my favorite discoveries happened at Communal Coffee in North Park, when a flood of high-energy people swept through. They were part of the November Project, a free fitness group that’s
built a strong San Diego chapter.
Their mission says it all: “Lowering the intimidation of fitness, building human connections, and improving mental and physical health by providing free, fun, weekly workout gatherings throughout the world.” Their motto, “Just show up,” captures the spirit. No one is too new, too out of shape, or too slow.
As longtime member Lolly Beck-Pancer told me, the real value isn’t just the workouts. It’s the friendships, the accountability, and the sense of belonging.
“What makes November Project unique is a community spirit of lightheartedness and play amidst the growth. Starting the morning moving and laughing alongside familiar faces as the sun rises over Balboa Park can turn all of us into superhumans.”
She also wanted me to give a plug for other local community groups for men and women that have similar high invitation, low barrier to entry feel to them:
Final Thoughts
San Diego may not make it easy to build friendships, but it isn’t impossible. From Jiu Jitsu gyms to improv classes to faith communities, and the November Project, there are plenty of doors to walk through if you’re willing.
Sometimes social anxiety, depression, or just feeling lost can keep us from feeling brave enough to take that first step. If you feel like you’d like a therapist to talk about these dynamics in your life and help you sort through them so you can feel confident to take a risk and attend one of these communities, please feel free to reach out to our team.
As a therapist and the founder of Sonder Therapy Group, I know how essential human connection is to mental health. If you’ve been feeling isolated, don’t write San Diego off as unfriendly. The opportunities are here. Sometimes you just have to show up.